Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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