During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
