Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
