I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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