We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
