Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
