At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have aggressive nipples.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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