oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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