Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
