Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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