He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize