If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
