You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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