Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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