tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
