well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
