Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
