hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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