Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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