Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
