Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize