My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
