Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
