p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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