Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
