As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
