i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
