the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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