Its about making memories worth repressing
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
