We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
