he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
