I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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