His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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