Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
