We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
