why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
