I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
