youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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