it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
