Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
