my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
