:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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