I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
