She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize