Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
