there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
