My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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