I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
