We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
