i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
