drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
