That's when you crack a 10am beer
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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