The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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