so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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