I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
