dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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