How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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