90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
