You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
