guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
