i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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