Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
