who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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