I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
