happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
