Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
