Kiss
Puke
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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