and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
