can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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