Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize