im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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