Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
