so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
