Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
well you can't waste a boner
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
