And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
