My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize