Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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