I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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